The Journey That Has Been…..
(My-Re-entry Experience)

The journey started fourteen years ago when I set foot on Pakistan. Together with two other journey companions (Sister Ma. Magdalena Monteza and Sister Ma. Josephine Maravillas), the pioneer community was formed.

The years that followed unfolded the grace of discovery of mission and transformation, inculturation and immersion, commitment and service. To be plunged in an Islamic culture where Christians are the minority was more than a privilege. I was more than happy to serve God in this part of the world. It was not an easy mission, but the challenging experiences were overwhelming than the difficult ones. (and funny too!) The first week in Pakistan was learning the opposites. What is off in the Philippines is on in Pakistan, what is keep left here, is keep right over there. I got to be used to the society where mostly men will entertain business transactions, and since this is a patriarchal society, women are rarely seen. Lately, women started coming out, traditionally clad in “burqas’ while others, in attempt to go with the west, wear jeans with long sleeves, and still with dupatas to cover their heads.

“There is no place like home.’ To serve God in my own country is also a hunger within. I came home last 23 rd June 2006. After a week visit to my family, Sr. Rita told me to go for re-entry as part of the program for “balikbayan misyoneras’. It sounded a very common word – to enter again. But it was more than the “word’ for it has depth and meaning and “a must experience for every missionary who comes back to her native country.

Although I come home every two years for holiday, I got some “cultural shocks” in my own country. I feel embarrassed to see girls in scantly dress or boys and girls holding hands (or Sisters wearing short habits). The first time I took the MRT, the man behind reprimanded me and asked where I came from as I was still waiting for the card to come out when it was already the last station. I have to change gear. Back here, the “on” here is “off” there, the “left” here is “right” over there, etc, etc.

But this is only a small piece compared to the real sense of the world “re-entry”. As I winded up my experience during my recollection, beautiful insights captured this whole experience as I close this particular chapter in my life and open a new page in my new mission assignment.

Re-entry is coming home after a tremendous journey. I admit that during the journey, there were external invasions which with and before God can only be understood thru eyes of faith and language of the heart. I traveled to myself, not to the other, but with others. This is my longest journey – the journey from my head to my heart. But I was imbued with a deep sense of coming home to myself. It was an inward journey where I find home in God and God finds a home in me.

The lines of the song “The Journey” goes:
Forward always forward, onward always up
Catching every drop of hope, in my empty cup

Yes, re-entry is moving forward – with hope and trust that God goes ahead to prepare the place for me. But take note: I can only catch hope if my cup is empty. Unless I empty myself of the past, and clear the pebbles and exert effort to clear the boulders that block my way, I will not move forward and nesting will follow. I have to empty my cup, to be open to the challenges of the new mission awaiting me.

During my last few days in Pakistan, a group of parents asked me this question, ”Sister, you don’t love us anymore? Why do you have to leave Pakistan? “These are Muslim parents and how can I tell them that my life as a religious is an impulse to transcendence – always going beyond.

I like to put myself in the scenario at the airport. People come and go…. the say hello…. they say goodbye. The traveler does not stay permanently at the airport, just a stop over then catches the next flight. The next mission…..

“Now that I am back home…. one has to look at life experiences with an eye of faith in order to understand the essence of living. Back home, that is what I am trying to do now. This homecoming is not just a return to my planet. This is a homecoming to my innermost self where the object of my search, of my journey dwells. Finding HIM dwelling in me gives me a direction as I journey through life.

Today, on this feast of St. Ignatius and centenary of our Canonical Erection as a Congregation, I end my re-entry. This marks a significant event in the history and story of my vocation – as a missionary. Like St. Ignatius and his companions, I lift up also my journey companions who blazed the trail for me during the first difficult years in the mission. I thank God for my fellow travelers for their kindness, assistance and patience every time I tripped off or if the “going gets slow”. Gratitude is a memory of the heart. With grateful remembrance, I close this chapter of my life borrowing lines of the song “Journey”.

What a journey it has been, in the end it’s not inside
But the stars are out tonight, and they’re bound to guide my way.

As I set my heart to the new mission, I open an empty page.

The journey begins……….

Sister Maria Fe B. Lagarto, RVM
Dated 31 July 2006